By Kirk Abner |
By Kirk Abner |
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I was driving to the north side of Atlanta the other day. Some gal in the hammer lane yapping on a cell phone in a S.U.V. almost side-swiped me as she headed to that obviously much more important place than where I was going; probably a dang two for the price of one clearance sale somewhere no doubt. But the last thing I saw of her rig before she roared out of sight was the rear end bumper sticker that read WWJD. Now my son has a wrist bracelet that says the same thing, so I knew what it meant- What Would Jesus Do? Of course my immediate reaction was “what, you mean what would Jesus do about the blonde broad that just blew my doors off zipping up the toll-road?” Thinking for a moment though I grabbed my composure and figured, if Jesus could do something about anything at this time, then His plate would probably be too full to handle a lousy traffic misdemeanor. But that is still a good question, and no doubt a heck of a gimmick. I’ll bet the fellow who licensed that four word rhetorical expression is sitting on a pretty penny. Besides the WWJD bumper stickers and bracelets, there’s WWJD t-shirts, WWJD posters, WWJD drink cups, shot glasses, and posters to name a few. There may even be a WWJD website full of WWJD merchandise. A great thing about WWJD is that it is small enough that you can plaster it on just about any knick-knack and make a few bucks. But still that is a very interesting question. I’m guessing the fellow who coined the phrase probably intended it to be used in only certain morally confusing dilemmas, during the more serious times in our lives; and not in your run of the mill everyday kind of circumstance. Still, I can see a well-intentioned lad at the drive through right now; “Do you want cheese on that burger?” the attendant barks. “Hmm” the little boy sighs; “I wonder what Jesus would do? Nope better make it plain.” Granted the question is meant to evoke some sort of double take, or second guess, or re-evaluation. And up till now, I would never in the slightest have considered how a figure from two thousand years ago might react in my present day enigma. I guess the closest I’ve come to that way of thinking is “I wonder what Tina would like for her birthday this year?” or “Suppose that guy is going to call me about a job today?” But while that we’re on the subject, I am a bit curious, given our current state of affairs. I wonder what Jesus’ first reaction would be, just what would he do, if he came back and looked in the Pew Report and saw that there were now 120 different Christian denominations in the US alone. “Hmmm, maybe that message wasn’t as clear as I thought”. Suppose Jesus did come back and saw those old copies on the Enquirer lying around in the bathroom, the ones with Jimmy Swaggert and his cheap mistress on the front cover. What would Jesus do about that one? Or maybe he tuned on CNN and saw those live hearings from Dallas and all the priests and their molestation victims from these past forty years. What would Jesus do in this case? Personally, I’d hope that He could slap a wrist harder than what they’re getting already. But it’s none of my business.
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What if Pat Robertson took Jesus to one of those smoke filled political action meetings up in DC. He could meet Ralph Reed, and Bill Bennett, and all those other moralists hiding behind capitalist piggies and see the give and take that goes into constructing political party platform planks for the religious right. Is that the kind of loving your enemy He had in mind? Oh, and by the way Pat, I read about your gold mine problem over in Liberia. Sorry about your luck.:( I always wondered what Jesus would do if He took a tour of one of those smiley tv evangelist’s million dollar mansions. (Be careful Jesus if you go to this one in particular. He lives near the airport, and it’s on the rough side of town!) But once He gets inside and look around; what if he could see all those gold platted bathroom fixtures, or maybe that wardrobe closet with 14 dozen double stitched, shirts and those double breasted suits, not to mention the six dozen pair of Italian leather shoes. He’d probably gawk worse than Joe DiMaggio at a Barry Bonds contract. You won’t believe it Jesus but there’s money in them there revivals! How about taking Jesus up to the new Super Church. You know, the brand new real big one in town, over on the rich side. Yea He could get the special personal tour, check out the 24 track, surround sound, audio production not to mention the 40 by 40 all digital television screen along with those three Panasonic cameras. What would He think about that? What a business huh? “But the acoustics in here are tremendous!” “Hit it boys!” What would He do driving around the hood, and seeing church after church after church locked up and so many homeless with no place to go. Or how about all those tacky marquis slogans; “Don’t Worry Moses Was A Basket Case Too!” or “Jesus Answers Knee Mail”. Sure hope He’s still got that sense of humor. I know times have changed through the years, a whole lot in some cases. There’s just so much more to do these days; why even on the holy days. Just suppose Jesus could get a pit pass to the Dayton 500 or maybe Talladega? Don’t tell me all the 165,000 Earnhardt and Gordon fans camped out in these coliseum size venues are non-believers. And I don’t think Jews even like snuff. Yep, I’d love to see Him come back. I really wonder just what He would do. Who would He take out? Or better yet, how would we react? Wonder just who among us would be mugging to be the first to shake His hand, pose for that first Polaroid? Then again, if He’s all He’s cracked up to be, maybe He’s already doing all He would do. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Editors
interested in featuring gailmcfarland@artistmarket.com
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