Allan Baker

    Tucumcari is a place I'm very familiar with....well, 'as familiar with' as one can be, when 'one' is stranded there for three days ....Three guesses as to who the aforementioned 'one' is.....

          I don't want to pick on Tucumcari - it didn't have anything to do with the fact that two years ago, my 2 month old alternator decided it didn't want to work any more. It just happened to be closest place to get towed to.

      So with that in mind, and in current terms - I knew about Dean's Restaurant, right on Route 66, about 2 miles from I-40 (I know it's two miles, because
that's how far I walked every day to get there, as I waited the three days for my new alternator to arrive!!).
     IF there's better Mexican food around, you'll have to show me where! Tacos, beef enchiladas, chips and sauce, refried beans......Yowza!! As was the case two years ago, I ate 'til I
couldn't eat anymore (or, at least until I hit Amarillo later in the day), and waddled out the door with a big smile on my face.....As I started up my
truck, that 'big smile' turned into a 'slight grimace' - as the noise level
was now approaching Def Con 2. Just-arriving patrons, ill-prepared for this decibel onslaught, managed to find temporary cover, but a couple of poor dogs are probably still wondering what hit them.
        As I approached the Texas border, I reflected upon the beautiful
state of New Mexico, and my many visits there. It is the "Land of
Enchantment"; it's a land of beautiful mountains, and exquisite
scenery....It's a land where we exploded how many atomic bombs?!! And out of
all the places 'they' could've landed - 'they' chose Roswell, New Mexico!!
It's always been my contention that something reeeeally strange is goin' on
within those borders.
     Six years prior to our present sojourn, I was passing through this Land of Strangeness; I drove through Roswell, and shortly thereafter, Alamogordo. Two hours later, the engine in my car exploded!!
     Coincidence?!! Hmmm - that's a tough one, who knows? But I always feel a little more calm, and can breathe a little easier - when New Mexico is behind me!

          Which brings us to Texas, and some of the most famous
landmarks/destinations anywhere along 'the Route'. In all my travels through The Lone Star State, very few have taken in the Route 66 stretch, and the famed locales therein - so my anticipation was building as I approached one of the 'heart and souls' of Route 66, Amarillo, TX.
        One of those famous landmarks (many feel that it's the landmark) is
just west of the city - the Cadillac Ranch....Of course, I know that now!!
     I thought I knew where it was, and thought that I'd be able to see it from the interstate. WRONG!! Part of this day had been specifically set aside to see this celebrated piece of art...or sculpture if you prefer; a master stroke of creativity and originality - which not only enjoys cult status, but encourages public participation to carry on it's unique legacy, adding to it's already legendary popularity.

   Now, all of these lofty characterizations notwithstanding, the fact was - I still wasn't seeing it from the interstate, finding it, or anything else remotely connected to these neatly -placed autos, and I was getting more and more frustrated by the minute. I obviously needed help in this regard (and in a few more areas that we won't persue) so at the first opportunity, I pulled into a 'Mom and Pop' gas station/general store.
     A quick update tells us that the 'truck noise' at this point, is causing dogs
to howl as far back as Vega - with Mom and Pop no doubt wondering why it is
that the Blue Angels are now landing in their parking lot.
      As I enter, Mom and Pop are none too happy seeing who is responsible
for this assault on their sanctity, not to mention the current 'whistling' of
their hearing aids. Looking particularly knatty in my orange T-shirt - which
on the back has pigs sitting around a card table playing poker, smoking cigars, and wearing shirts that are way too small--revealing far more than we
want, or need to see - white pants with a large and severe coffee stain on
the right thigh, and an out-of-control beard, resembling something from the
Rasputin School of Grooming, I also seem to be speaking 'rather loudly', due
to the fact that I've been traveling inside a 'moving textile factory' for two days!
     Reminiscent of that artillery sergeant, who was in front of me checking in at the Motel 6 a few years ago, I was now engaging in normal, everyday conversation, as if all around me were deaf - "Do you have Hershey's w/ almonds"?!! "Where is the bathroom"?!! "And on a semi-related subject, where is the Cadillac Ranch"?!! Between their hearing aids sounding like two car alarms, and a dog howling in the back room, it was difficult to hear their responses. I heard part of Mom's response - "...50 miles back"; and "Pa, get the shotgun"! She was pointing in the opposite direction, so I deduced that I was 50 miles past the Cadillac Ranch....or, she meant for me to go, leave, NOW!! '50 miles, or 50 feet - just get the hell out of here'!! Probably both.
        Well, what now? After my epicurean bludgeoning back in Tucumcari, there was no way that the Big Texan was feasible. What's the Big Texan, I hear someone ask? That's the legendary steakhouse that offers a free 72 oz. (not a typo!) steak, if you can eat it - in an hour!! I ate a 30 oz. steak in Kansas City once - shortly thereafter I needed (1) a stretcher; (2) a tank of oxygen; (3) a block and tackle; (4) Two Teamsters; (5) a sound effects tape playing birds by a lake; (6) a Tums tablet the size of a discus; (7) Two more Teamsters; (8) a lawyer, a notary, a wine steward, and a priest...Not necessarily in that order, and - I'm still in the dark regarding the wine
steward. So - with getting a steak the size of a small end table probably not in the offing - let's just drive along 'the Route', and see what we find.....