Allan Baker

        I was up early today - and despite The Great Goat Caper - was rested and refreshed, and eager to take another crack at getting to Oakland. Buoyant, hopeful, excited, I bounded into the lobby to check out. There was no one at the desk, so I hit the little bell - which broke - and out shuffled Edna, the proprietress of the establishment. She was radiant in a faded blue housecoat, threadbare slippers, 'Coke-bottle' glasses, and two rollers - hanging from either side of her head.
     It became apparent that she also didn't hear very well, as she greeted me with a very loud "Yes, what do you want"?!
     I took a step back, then said, "Just checking out". "What", she shouted back? Holding up my bent key - I shouted back, "Just - checking - out"!
     I then made a HUGE mistake, and asked, "Did - they - catch - the - goat"?! "What boat"?!
"No - goat ", I shouted back.
"You can't have a boat here"!
     She turned, and continued - "Floyd!! There's a guy out here with a boat! Tell him he's gotta move it"!! She walked away, and I just rested my head on the counter.
     I got to Oakland semi- unscathed about 3, and headed straight for Ricky's Sports Bar. I'd heard about this place, and it certainly didn't disappoint; lots of big TV's, great sound, good- natured arguing already in
progress, the smell of hot wings and burgers wafting through the air, great memorabilia on the walls....a perfect setting for the game - especially on the heels of Oakland's 9th inning victory last night. By game time - the
atmosphere was electric, the crowd huge, and boisterous.
    In case you'd forgotten, I was rooting for the Dodgers - and being alone, slight of stature, and basically a coward - I wasn't about to make that fact known!

The idea was very basic: broken kneecaps are a drag, and neck braces tend to be a drawback when fondling.
Ala Readers Digest, my most unforgettable character this night, was a wonderful, and charming individual named Homer. Resplendent in blue overalls, laced with BBQ sauce - this Cro- Magnon had become insufferable by the 4th inning. His relentless praise of Oakland had to be silenced, with some irrefutable facts: I informed this nimnod that Oakland was hitting less than .200 for the series; reminded him that the A's had already blown Game 1 with baseball's best reliever Dennis Eckersley; and during the regular season, couldn't even beat the team I was most familiar with - the Kansas City Royals! I was ready for a little 'sports bar banter'. I'd done this in bars all over the country - from East Coast to West, and never the twain shall meet....please forgive...and Ricky's was no different; some facts and figures, throw out some trivia, a little Q and A, some good-natured
ribbing....I don't remember anything after that. Apparently, this lummox performed some kind of 'intricate, and well-conceived tap dance' on my windpipe, and when I came to, they were sweeping up - with no sign of 'the
star of Quest for Fire' anywhere! (There were, however, small pockets of BBQ sauce strewn about the area) Abrasions aside, I'm OK; there is some swelling, and fondling could be a problem. Oh yeah, the Dodgers won - I
didn't see it, but the guy sweeping up told me; and, I splurged - staying at a Best Western, thus avoiding out-of-control goats, frowsy proprietors, and insuring I'd have a place for my boat !