I’m planning to makeover our basement, but don’t tell my husband. You see he’s dead set against the idea. 

First, let me describe my basement to you.  Does the word ‘dungeon’ give you an idea?  Our basement is scary actually.  In a sense, almost medieval.  You walk down and it’s all too easy to imagine starving criminals chained to walls.  As you pass them by on the way add fabric softener to the rinse cycle, they use their last bit of strength to lift their weak unchained arm toward you and groan for food.   So you get the picture?  Now, why have we lived in this house for almost two years now and put up with such a disgraceful, disgusting, ugly, vile, putrid eyesore of a place?  

Well, to begin with, we can’t agree on the budget.  He thinks the budget should be no higher than zero.  Yeah, zero dollars – nada, nothing.  Cheapskate!  On the other hand, I don’t think one should even have a budget!  Who needs the restrictions?  I’m a free spirit.  I can’t be limited in my creativity by mundane and logical factors such as a budget!   

Secondly, he feels that blah, blah, blah, yada yada yada, something to this effect - since the basement leaks every once in a while, it’s a waste of money to fix it up.  It’s true that when it rains really hard for three or four days in a row, we get a few leaks.  But that only happens once or twice a year!  And besides that, I have the solution!  I just paint everything with a garage floor type paint!  Those paints are made for getting wet!   We toss down some throw rugs that can be washed if they get damp or moldy and voila!   No problem!   Why can’t he see the logic in this?  It’s almost too logical!  
   And here’s the cruncher.  I know he’ll love it when I’m done!  I just know it.  So, despite the fact that he says he doesn’t want it done, I know that in the end, when he sees the final product, all will be forgiven so I’ve decided to just go ahead and do it.  Then end justifies the means.  I just have to make sure the end is completely done before he knows I’ve even begun.  Walking in amidst the renovation won’t be a pretty sight.  The end result is the only one he’ll be truly happy with. 

            Keeping him out of the basement for a few weeks isn’t a problem.  What’s down there that might tempt him to walk down?  Laundry facilities?  Not a chance.  Fitness Equipment?  No way.  Tools?  Highly unlikely.   Extra cookware and baking pans?  If it were a cold day in hell.        

So, my original thought was that I could work on this basement while he’s at work.  However, a huge problem is paint.  Paint stinks.  It’ll surely stink up the house for a number of days.  That might make him wonder what’s going on.  He’ll follow his nose to a partially painted basement, paint cans and newspaper all over the place and here comes the fight!  Get your tickets.   So painting while he’s at work is out of the question.   

But I think I’ve found the solution to my dilemma.  His annual ‘Guy’s Weekend’ is coming up.   With him safely out of the house for three days, I can get my parents down.  We can go like crazy like they do on those television makeover shows.  If they can do it in 48 hours, I can do it, with help, in the same or slightly larger amount of time.  We’ll paint, sew curtains and cushions, throw some rugs down, build shelves and just before my husband arrives home, a few final touches - lighting candles and throwing fresh flowers in a vase. 

When he arrives home worn out from his annual Guy’s Weekend, I’ll have a smile on my face that can’t be denied.   Yes, I have something to tell you and yes it is very exciting.  And no, I’m not pregnant.  Close your eyes, and come down to the dungeon with me for a moment.  Just like on those television makeover shows, I’ll tell him, “Okay, open your eyes!”   He’ll open his eyes, with wonder, surprise and finally great and uninhibited joy.   “Oh my gosh!  Oh my gosh!  Is this our basement?” he’ll ask.  I’ll nod proudly.  “I can’t believe it.  Look what you’ve done.  This is amazing!  Truly amazing!  I can’t believe it.  Look at that shelf?  Did you build that”?  I’ll nod proudly.  He’ll continue exuberantly “The curtains, the walls, the floors look like expensive ceramic tile!  Did you paint these floors?”   I’ll nod proudly.  “Wow!  I can’t believe how completely wonderful and amazing it looks!  How much did all of this cost?”  He’ll ask, then on second thought quickly add “Actually, never mind.  It doesn’t matter.  It was worth it!  I love it.” 

            I can hardly wait for Guy’s Weekend to arrive.  

© 2002 Jennifer Davies     ArtistMarket.com