DAYS LIKE THESE (Part 2)

The Challenge?

(Part 2)

By: Anthony Mayfield

In Life, on any given day, there are far too many circumstances that naturally oppose us and, even though the devil doesn’t need any help, sometimes, in the company of well meaning friends and free flowing booze, the devil takes a break and laughs with glee as we go about mucking things up.

We were back at the ‘Come Again’ bar. The usual suspects were there plus a few more. We were having a good time, yesterday was all but forgotten until Brenda tempted fate by biting into the forbidden topic and offering it to the others…

Brenda: “So, Coolac, what’s this I hear about you not believing in true love or, more important, me and Jock’s love thang?”

Raymond: “Damn, Brenda, I wish you hadn’t brought that crap up.”

DeeDee: “What’s the deal? What are y’all talking about?”

Brenda: “Well, it seems that Coolac was willing to bet the gang that me and Jock’s love was based on some condition and that he could find out what that condition is before we get married. Is that right, Coolac?”

Coolac: “That’s what I said.”

DeeDee: “Damn, Coolac, I would be with you if it were any other couple but, Jock and Brenda? Man, obviously you haven’t been around them. I mean, every time they’re together they’re laughing and squeezing each other and all that. If it weren’t for the fact that I’m jealous, I’d think they had lost their mind.”

Matt: “Yeah, look at them now; there’s something about their relationship that gives others hope in finding the same thing, ya know?”

Coolac: “If you say so.”

Raymond: “Just let it go, Coolac. Admit it, now that you see those two together, you know that forever loves exist.”

Coolac glanced over at Jock and Brenda. Just for the hell of it, just to get on to another issue, he was going to concede but there was something in Brenda’s eyes, something that dared him to discover her truth.

Coolac: “Man, I’m like Horton the Elephant, I meant what I said and I said what I meant, now what?”

Jock: “So, you’re sitting there telling us to our face that our marriage is doomed because of some unknown condition?”

Coolac: “Bingo.”

Brenda: “Thanks for the confidence, Coolac.”

Coolac: “Just trying to help out.”

Matt: “Just for the hell of it, Coolac, what condition do you think that they have built their relationship on?”

Coolac: “I don’t know. But I do know that if the condition isn’t being met, and if either of them meet someone else who can fulfill that condition, end of marriage.”

Matt: “Coolac, you are so full of it. Who died and left you in charge of relationships anyway. And, since you’re explaining things, explain to me how you got a corny ass nick name like Coolac.” (They all laugh)

Coolac: “Because I’m cool like the breeze that will float over your coffin if you cross me.”

Group: “Oooooh.”

Matt: “Oh, I’m scared.”

Coolac: “I don’t want you to be scared, just ready. All I’m trying to do here is to get Jock ready for the inevitable. I’ve known him since preschool and he knows that I have his best interest at heart.”

Raymond: “Pray tell, what is Jock’s best interest?”

Coolac: “His best interest is to find out, before marriage, the condition that his marriage will be built on.”

DeeDee: “On the outside chance that there aren’t any conditions, then will their marriage stand the test of time?”

Coolac: “It’s doubtful.”

Brenda: “Damn, he’s not giving us a snowball’s chance in hell is he?”

Coolac: “Hey, I’m just a realist. And, realistically speaking, marriages today last anywhere from three to five years. But, to answer your question DeeDee, if conditions don’t get them then assumptions will.”

Brea: “Oh, oh. Here’s something new to the twist.”

Coolac: “Knaw, not really. You might say that conditions and assumptions are twins. If one don’t ruin the relationship the other one will. What happens is that we tend to not discuss certain issues. Instead, we assume that are partner feels the same way we do. Then, when we get married, we realize that our partner doesn’t feel the same way that we do and it creates a problem.”

Jock: “You got any examples of assumptions in your theory?”

Coolac: “I think I can come up with one or two. For example: Suppose that the woman assumes the man knows that she doesn’t want kids when, in actuality, he wants a big family. Or the man assumes the woman will give up her career to become a house wife but, in actuality, she has no such intention, then, you can be sure that the end is near.”

Matt: “Man, I’m tired of seeing your lips move. You mentioned something about a bet. Put up or shut up.”

Coolac: “How much can you afford to loose, choir boy?”

Matt: “I got your choir boy. I say that Brenda and Jock’s relationship is for real and I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that you can’t find one of your alleged conditions before they get married.”

Coolac: “A thousand dollars, huh? All right, if that’s all you can afford. Anybody else want to lose some money?”

Raymond: “I’m in for a grand too.”

Brea: “Two thousand dollars, that’s no cheesy bet.”

Coolac: “Yeah, it is but it’s all that these cheese-less chumps can come up with. Wait a minute. Screeeeech. I’d better put the brakes on. I forgot something so all bets are off.”

Raymond: “Just as I thought, all shine but no glow.”

Coolac: (reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of money. He counts out five thousand dollars and lays it on the table) “If you think I can’t handle your kiddy bet, think again.”

Matt: “Damn, Coolac, where’d you get all that money from?”

Coolac: “I’d tell you but I don’t think you’d look at your mother the same way any more.”

Matt: (reaching for Coolac) “You low down son of a…” (Someone gets in between them)

Coolac: (laughing) “See, there are some things that you just don’t want to know.”

Raymond: “Yeah, right, asshole. Anyway, so that you don’t weasel your way out of this, why are you calling off the bet?”

Matt: “I’ll tell you why. It’s because that money belongs to his pimp.” (They laugh)

Coolac: “Touché. No, the reason that I can’t take your bet is because you won’t be losing anything but your life savings. (Laughter) While, on the other hand, Jock and Brenda will be losing each other. So, unless they agree, all bets are off.”

Raymond: (to Jock and Brenda) “How about it, guys? I know you don’t believe that this clown can find some stupid assed condition that will prevent you from getting married? I mean, shit, you’ve been dating for two years so, what the hell can he find out in six months that you don’t already know?”

Brenda: “Not a damn thing.” (They laugh)

Coolac: “So, I take that as a yes from the weak link, what about you Jock? You willing to risk the fantasy?”

Jock: “Me and my baby are one. I support what she says, she support what I say. In fact, put me down for a grand too.”

Matt: “That’s what I’m talking about. Now what, Coolac.”

Coolac: “Now, my man, we proceed. So, all I need is for someone to write all of this down so that we will know that it was an agreed upon thing. Does anyone have any paper and a pen?”

DeeDee: “I do.”

Coolac: “Cool. Give Jock and Brenda each a sheet.”

Jock: “Why do we need paper?”

Coolac: “Because I want each one of you to write three reason why you love the other without showing your reasons to anyone else in the group.”

Brenda: “That’s easy.” (They jot down their reasons and pass them to Coolac)

Brea: “So, what’s the point of that?”

Coolac: “Just a simple test to determine my odds of winning.”

DeeDee: “And?”

Coolac: “It’s money in the bank.”

Raymond: “Humor us.”

Coolac: “The fact that they have reasons to love each other indicates that conditions are not far off. Anything that can be reasoned can arguably be unreasoned. You see, you simple-minded folks, true love, unconditional love doesn’t have or need a reason to love, it just does. You got everything written up, DeeDee? I’ve gotta fall through the exit, no need in spending all of my Friday night with the uninformed.”

The stage was set. The props were in place. The cast was queued and the curtain was going up. It’s Showtime…

Continued...