Mike Ryan
Andy Rooney meets Erma Bombeck and they have an illegitimate son named Mike Ryan"

 

Mike Ryan is a 45 year-old musician, “actually I’m a drummer; some say that doesn’t count,” and the writer of a humor column titled ‘The Life of Ryan,’ which is published by the Sentinel and Transcript newspapers based in Golden, Colorado. As he says, he writes about, “The problems of being me,” which range from being the father of a teenage daughter, one adult son, and grandfather of two, to being the only male in an all female household. His columns discuss experiences we have all dealt with, from being selected for jury duty, to shopping with the wife and kid. He has been attending college for two years now, and the age and cultural differences provide plenty of fodder for his assaults on the younger generations.

“I’m too old to be hip, and too hip to be old,” he said while trying to explain his philosophy on life. ‘I’m sort of a younger Andy Rooney, with my anger directed at stupid people, silly rules, incompetent businesses and teenage boys who come sniffing after my daughter.”

                Though a musician by trade, he prefers to write about the everyday experiences we all suffer through.“ Most people wouldn’t believe what goes on in my ‘other life’ anyway,” he states. He is an avid vacationer and considers himself a professional tourist. Many of his columns have covered his travels to the beaches of Florida for spring break, “I am a college student, even if I am 45 years old,” a disastrous trip to Disney World, and what has become his new favorite past-time: cruise ships.

                He is an avid skier, but hates snow boarders, though his daughter is one herself. “We started her out on skis, but unfortunately, she has crossed over to the dark side.” He loves to camp and hike in the summer, but admits his favorite pastime is napping. “Hey, go with what your good at,” he always says, “the first thing I do when I get up in the morning is plan out my nap.”

                When asked to explain how his column relates to the average reader, he replies, “Doesn’t everyone have a teenager who drives them nuts, a wife who loves to shop and a cat that needs an exorcism? My wife is a wonderful woman whom I love and wouldn’t trade for the world. The psycho cat has become a part of the family, and the kid, well she’ll be eighteen and out of here soon, right?”

                “The Life of Ryan” has been running in five Sentinel and Transcript newspapers in Colorado for a year now. “I’ve been getting a great response” Mike says, “the other day I was recognized at my daughters orthodontist’s office. The receptionist told me they had just been talking about me. It made me puff up my chest, suck in my gut and lower my voice into my Barry White impersonation, ‘Oh yeah, you were?’ I was thinking they were talking about the cute guy with the daughter. Then I was able to quit holding my breath when she informed me it was about my column. Though my male ego was struck a momentary blow, I am actually more proud of being a writer these days, than the stud I used to mistakenly think I was.”  

Editors interested in featuring Mike Ryan 
are encouraged to contact Gail McFarland at 

gailmcfarland@artistmarket.com     

  1. Cruising on a Saturday Night

  2. Going Shopping

  3. Got Gas?

  4. Happy Holidays (Thanksgiving

  5. I Want The Cat's Job

  6. IT Doesn't Compute

  7. Passwords

  8. I Don’t Have To Buy Any Presents? 
    (4TH OF July)

  9. Sorry Dude

  10. Three Strikes and You’re Gout

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